It’s one of those days again. Goodness. I don’t want this blog to turn into an emotional rollercoaster but that’s basically my life right now. I wish I had a guide (dog) to get me through this nonsense. I thought spring term was supposed to be the best – the sun shines on the park blocks, classes are lax while everyone looks toward summer, groups sound the best with strong players preparing for recitals and level changes… Right? I have had such a great experience with music so far throughout my life and I know that’s what I want to do but it’s becoming really hard to get there. The real problem is that there are people involved, and people are jerks. It only takes one to ruin a day, and apparently a life. I know this isn’t titled ‘Ranting Pot: a Girl Who Just Wants to Teach Music’ but hear me out for a second.
Why do people feel the need to belittle you crush you under their boot? What happened to positive thinking, kind thoughts, and honest relationships? When did underhanded tactics and coercive promises drag us all into the mud? Most importantly, why is money tying us to things we hate? Money isn’t the most important thing in life (so shall I find out when I get my first check as a band director) but in this backwards university system you have to grasp to every bit of it that you can find just to keep yourself afloat. And that’s unfortunate. You know when you make a very bad decision and you’re left standing on the peak of braving forward or turning back? What if charging ahead did more harm than good? Turns out there isn’t a U-turn up ahead. I know that’s a lot of metaphors and you can probably hear the heavy sighs between each word, but honestly I’m even afraid to publish this. When you’re made to feel this small and the ones you love are so far away it can be hard… It’s just hard. I need prayers for courage to stand up for myself, strength to keep my chin up, and karma to bite this guy in the ass. Also a guide dog, for relevance.
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