Besides the usual phobias of spiders, bees, and the occasional dizzying height, my biggest fear is to be unprepared. Not knowing what entrance to go through to get to a specific location stresses me out far more than a 10 page paper with a due date and a topic! It sounds silly, but on more than one occasion this specific example has brought me to tears. It’s crazy how much I need instruction and direction to convince myself that I can handle the task.
Well, today I did it. I flew by the seat of my pants, and survived mostly unscathed! Not only was it my first day playing principal in the orchestra and giving the tuning note but it was also the first time that I had looked at my Stravinsky Fire Bird Part; which, by the way, is littered with exposed solos in all sorts of nasty rhythms. But I did it. I sight-read and took every opportunity of repeating a section to get just that much more of the line and it actually worked alright, especially for the first rehearsal. I’m sure I was more critical of myself than those around who me who were also feverishly counting rests and practicing tough licks. Now, was the red faced personal embarrassment worth it? No, probably not. And I assure you that by next rehearsal I will have at least taken out my part for a quick go-around a thousand times. However, today did prove to me that I’m more flexible than I believe and that if I just push myself forward the few pieces that do fall behind won’t even be missed – at least for now.
P.S. Thank goodness I didn’t see any big, hairy spiders crawling around – I convinced myself this morning that if I did I would have to snap a photo with it all close and personal. Fhew!